Running on Empty

I've always been the girl to push my gas tank to the limit. For every car I've ever owned, I know exactly how many miles I have left when that dreaded gas light illuminates. I push and push until I'm sputtering into the nearest gas station. It comes as no surprise that I've also been waiting for AAA on the 405 freeway after a dramatic scene of my car sputtering to a stop in the car pool lane. But here I am, still pushing it. I'm not sure when this diluted idea that my will power could somehow overpower the reality of my gas tank came to be...but there you go, one of my many diluted ideas. It's definitely not genetic. My mom is the one to fill her tank when the line hits half a tank. This I don't understand...but she's never been stranded on the 405. So there you go. :)

It also comes as no surprise that I have this same diluted idea for my every day life. Pushing the limits. Running on empty. Living on fumes.

This is where I have been the past few months. Adjusting to going back to work with 2 little ones has put me through the ringer. I still don't know why it's thrown me for such a loop. Goodness gracious, I've obviously been through much harder stuff! None the less, it's been a long couple months and I am WAY behind on my updates. For some reason, no matter how many gentle nudges God gives me, it always takes the brick rain shower to get my attention. This has always been our joke. David says someone else could learn with a gentle blow or whisper...it takes a brick building falling on our head to get our attention! What can I say. We are stubborn. And don't ask who is more stubborn...this is still up for debate. :) But I can say that our 2 year old is now in the running!

One of the many lessons I have learned from David's illness is that when life seems utterly desperate, I am quick to cling to God and rely on His strength alone to live the day to day. For some reason I loose sight of this when it comes to the daily grind. My false sense of control just feeds my ego that I can keep it all together. What a joke. I've got nothing together.

So here I am. Running on empty. Thanks be to God, I know how to fill up! It just took me a while to see it.

Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

So with renewed strength and a full tank, my goal is to catch up so I can remember all the precious moments that God has given me with my sweet family. There's something about a mommy brain. If I don't write it down...it's gone. yikes!

If you are anything like me, I hope we can help each other remember that there is nothing we can do apart from God's strength. Over the past year and a half people have often said to us, "I don't know how you do it!" or "You just have it all together." Do not be fooled. We've got nothing together. But God's got it ALL together. Just like my wonderful husband reminds me when I'm on the verge of losing it: "God's Got This." This was my comfort during those sleepless nights at Huntington Hospital and I'm clinging to it now.

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19.